You are probably someone like me, a first child of their family in his 20s that’s trying to aggressively adapt to whatever the world keeps shoving down in our throat. The notion of having things like house, getting married, or even proper planning, are something that growingly harder to reach as there are too many variables that are changing. It’s especially hard when you don’t have a self-sustaining system that can support you in physical, mental, and financial. You are the so-called “initiator”, or in Indonesian, perintis. I do believe that it’s a big feat, it’s a big responsibility, and it’s probably the point where you can finally turn the fate of your family line into something brighter.

But as I ask the same question again and again, it left unanswered. The question on when you should stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about others. I do think that when a definite answer is finally found for this, the doubt should disappear. But really, it’s such an utopist view, a scenario that only exist in fairytales, and something that can only come from the privileged ones. And being someone that does not have much of the privileges, one can only dream.

I think this is why the trend of being childless or even being single until the end is on the rise. The situation simply doesn’t cater to those that seek for better future while also giving satisfaction towards oneself. You only have basically two rigid choice now: your happiness is yours or your happiness is theirs. It simply is not economical to achieve both sides, which is why it’s unlikely to achieve such feat.

In the very specific case of the first child and the pseudo-breadwinner of his family, one can only lament whether the new belief is one that is acceptable or not. But I think it’s fair. To achieve such a condition where you are the breadwinner and possibly the one that can propel the status into the mid-class of the society, surely comes with a big sacrifice in some ways. I, myself, had to sacrifice all the fun I should have had back in my childhood, in exchange of gaining better foundation. And after all of it starts giving a return, a result, to finally be able to enjoy that hard work you did in your childhood is something natural. I think that it is cruel for you to say that you should keep the grind as it’s haram for you to enjoy that. And it’s the worst feeling when those word came from your very own parents.

But hey, it’s probably the most Asian thing to do for parents, right? Into always demanding their child to fund their late game stages, and perpetuating the generational trauma. I think it’s really unfair, as you will always get the comments that you are durhaka. Something that is always be the greatest fear for any children. But as I grew older, I admitted that I also grew farther from my religion. And I want to blame that on the fact that I live in Indonesia, where religion is mostly performative and done for the sake of rituals. I think it’s the problem with basically any place where a certain thing is the majority holder. You can see clearly the difference of an actual devout believer and follower, to those of just doing it for the sake of being accepted to the society. And I, honestly, miss the feeling where I am actually believing. The feeling where I feel peace from the faith. It’s hard to keep the faith in the midst of 2020s, and I can see that it’s growing even worse.

Honestly, I am tired. It’s not possible to follow the social construct anymore. It’s already a struggle to keep on living, both mentally and financially. And I think it’s natural to see more and more people think of the same way. Ironically, “we are in this thing together” is more reassuring than the sweet words from the preachers or from your parents even. It’s maybe the good time to start thinking on how to be completely independent, to prepare your own sustainable safety net.

I think it’s the call. I think that’s what 2026 is trying to tell me.

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The lamentation of the first child in his 20s.